Seminar

Theology of the Body

NARRATIVE:

    The Theology of the Body seminar was conducted by Fr. Maxell Lowell C. Aranilla, Ph.D. last July 26, 2014 at the Teresa Yuchengco Auditorium. It was attended by the TRED students and some members of the faculty.

 The seminar started with a man greeting everyone in the auditorium a loud “Hi”. He was sitting at the aisle on my left side. I was so surprised, it was Fr. Maxell.

     He asked six people from the audience to stand up on stage for a short question and answer activity before he start with his lecture. He asked them what they call their sexual organ. Different reactions from the audience and the participants were observed. They were asked to say it in their own language. One was Indian, one was Korean, and the rest were Filipinos. It was very awkward for some. This activity gave me an idea of what the seminar will be about.

Who would have thought that a priest like Fr. Maxell can talk valiantly about sex. He made his talk engaging at the same time very informative. Talking first about Eros and Agape. These two, according to him actually does complement each other. Eros or being erotic does not always show a negative meaning, but in fact is important to Christian Spirituality. It was sin which distorted Eros. In order to purify Eros, it has to be united with Agape, which is the Divine love.

The second thing Fr. Maxell talked about is the body. He explained that we should not be ashamed of our body because it is the image and likeness of God and we came from the love that God gave our parents. The body is a gift from God, which means he created it and we should not be ashamed of our body. Fr. Maxell also pointed out that the body is visible through the sacrament of marriage.

     God is a trinity made visible to the body. The Father is the “lover” or “husband”; the Son is the “beloved” or “wife”; and the Holy Spirit is the “love” or the “child”. Our bodies should reflect the trinitarian God. You cannot have the two without the other one.

REFLECTION:

     The talk by Fr. Maxell Aranilla on the Theology of the Body was an eye-opening talk for me. I was enlightened that in our existence, sex is part of human nature. The society keeps on denying that these things are not wrong and is really happening. The society forces us to accept what they want to happen without considering our differences as human. Our own perspectives are being disregarded because of social norms. Fr. Maxell even asked us why we are ashamed to say “penis” or “vagina” in public. It is because we are not used in saying such sensible words with a huge people around listening to you. He also mentioned that our body will make us know more about God, that we should not be ashamed because it was created by God. I agree with this and I believe that we are created in the image and likeness of God. The body is sacred and should be seen as an invisible God made visible.

     One part from the open forum that really struck me most is when one person asked a question regarding same-sex relationships. Fr. Maxell's view about this was really nice, and mentioned that he is not against it as we would think because he is associated with the Catholic Church. What the Church does not allow is the sexual act that same-sex couples do because they cannot produce another life in a natural way.

     This talk is very empowering, especially to the youth because instead of not talking about sensitive topics like sex, it was talked about in a very philosophical way, in which people and listeners were able to open up their minds. Education is the key to ignorance. Fr. Maxell was able to explain the perspective of the Church on issues like homosexuality and marriage.

Interview

Narrative:

Name: Perfecto Alluvida Sr.

Age: 70

Name: Elnora Alluvida

Age: 69

Date of marriage: April 27, 1967

No. of  years married: 47

No. of Children: 3

1. How and where did you first meet?

Uncle: We were high school back then, I was a year older than her. I would always see her during lunch break in school.

2. How did uncle court you?

Aunt: He started giving me love letters.

3. What were your communication then?

Uncle: We talk during lunch break in school, we are also in the same neighborhood in Baguio.

4. How many years were you together as bf-gf before getting married?

Uncle: 5

5. How did uncle propose?

Aunt: Not the usual proposal, it was like a mutual feeling for us, mutual understanding and we were both ready that time.

6. How old were you when you got married?

Uncle: I was 23 and she was 22.

7. What do you think is the appropriate age to settle down?

Aunt: Before, people actually get married at a young age. But today, I think people should be more than ready before setlling down. I mean, if one's income is not enough to support a family, both should work if possible.

8. Can you still remember the day of your wedding? How did you feel then?

Uncle: It was pretty normal for me, but I think for her it was a dream come true. (laughs) Kidding aside, we were very happy that day.

9. What were your problems as newly-weds before?
Uncle : For the first three years, there was no problem. Problems came when our children were born.

10. What are the qualities of your partner that you love most?
Uncle: She can handle me at my worst. I easily get mad, but she remains very understanding.
Aunt: He is very supportive. From me to our children's decisions in life.

11. What are the problems you encounter as a couple and how do you deal  with it?
Aunt: Before, mostly were about our children since he has to leave for work. He was in marines while I was left at home before I decided to work also abroad to help with our expenses.

12. What was the change in your relationship when your first child was born?
Uncle:  Money was always a problem. We have to transfer home since we were living with my parents for 3 years after our marriage.  Also, we often see each other because of work. I am assigned mostly in Mindanao.

13. In what ways religion played a role in your marriage and raising your children?
Aunt: We never miss a Sunday on Church. We make sure we attend the mass from start til the end.

14. What steps do you take to make the marriage feel "alive" or "new" for you each day?
Uncle: Sleeping together would be one.
Aunt: Be supportive with each other.

15. What is/are the blessing(s) of married life?

Uncle: Our children.

Aunt: A happy family.

Reflection:

     My uncle and aunt are two of the people that I admire most in my life and having the chance to interview them regarding the topic on marriage really made me grateful and made me realize a lot of things. A perfect girl would be hard to find. But what’s not hard to find is someone who will love you even after years of marriage, and I have witnessed that through seeing my uncle and aunt. Even though they are already old, they never fail to show how they love each other in their own ways. 

    After more than 47 years of marriage, they have learned more things about each other, learned to deal with each other’s mistakes and have learned to grow both as individuals and as a couple. They have lasted those years of raising 3 children, going through fights, having financial crises, and a lot of problems in life, and now that they’re old, they are still together and take good care of each other.

     I always knew that there would always be challenges in life, especially in marriage and family life, but my uncle and aunt made me believe that having a partner—who is always there for you, supporting you no matter what, and is always beside you at the end of the day—is one of the best things in life that you could never trade with and compared to anything else knew that, there would be times in marriage when you feel like going back, ending the relationship, but you should not be selfish, and instead, you have to be selfless. At first, you would have to give up some of the things that you have been doing before you enter the married life, you would have to do things that you haven’t done yet and you may think that you are still not prepared for. There would be necessary changes. You would have to sacrifice your personal needs and aspirations sometimes, especially when you start to have children, because now, they would be your priority. Most of the time, you would have to give more time to your partner and your family than for yourself.

     Nevertheless, as being married is also an obligation, a commitment, you would have to give yourself to a new life with your partner and your family. In marriage, the role of God is also important. We are Roman Catholics; hence, we believe that praising God and going to church every Sunday are important. Putting religion in the center makes a couple feel secured and blessed, that each challenge in life was given by Him for the couple to surpass because at the end, there are better things that will happen.

     After the interview, I asked myself if I would find a love like my uncle and aunt’s—something that would last long, would surpass challenges, and would make me feel like being married is not just because I want to spend my life with someone or because of the commitment, but also because “she” and our “family” would make me feel contented in life because of happiness and love.

Synthesis

 To be honest, during the first few weeks of the term, I was planning to drop this course. I was thinking that it was too early for me take TREDFOR since it is only my seventh term in college. And I also thought that I was not ready to learn and talk about marriage and other vocations. But now, I don't regret not dropping this course. It was a very fun class and at the same time very helpful.

We first had a glimpse of the relationship of all TRED courses from TREDONE to TREDFOR. The first few meetings were spent discussing about Jesus and Discipleship and other parables and gospels that would introduce us to the topics of marriage and vocations.

  As we enter the topics and lessons for marriage and relationships, the film "I Do" was showed in class. This film starring Erich Gonzales and Enchong Dee pointed out different lessons in entering the married life. The movie presented different problems that people getting in to marriage mostly experience. What I learned about this is that we prepare for the life itself, not the wedding day and the celebration. Getting married and entering this life is never easy. The film basically presented the value of love and life in a relationship and is an introduction to the topic Maturity in marriage.

We discussed marriage preparation as being ready for the Christian Marital Commitment, the life itself, and not for the wedding and the celebration. A Faith Commitment is where we must love one unconditionally, like we are suppose to love God. Faith is our response to the invitation of God. The first phase of marriage preparation is the assessment of readiness for marriage. There are three areas of focus for this. 1) Authentic Love 2) Human Maturity and 3) Value Clarification.

For Human Maturity or Maturity for marriage, we define a mature person as someone who can divert energy. Someone that can handle situations. There are seven points stated in maturity for marrige. 1) Dependence-Independence goals, 2) Give and Get balance, 3) Troublesome feelings, 4) Sexual Responsibility, 5) Hostility, 6) Rose-tinted glasses, and 7) Flexible and adaptable. I would like to focus on the first one, the Dependence-Independence Goals.

Interdependence is the paradigm of we -- we can do it together; we can cooperate with each other; we can combine our talents and create something greater together than we ever could working independently on our own. So, true success comes not in working alone, but in working together. In the greatest sense, the "we" paradigm must also include God. Dependent people cannot choose to become interdependent. They must first learn to be independent. While independent people tend to be great individual producers, they struggle in relationships. Successful relationships are based upon developing interdependence, a choice only independent people can make. Interdependent people are as anxious about your happiness and success as they are their own. 

I can see that most marriages suffer from a daily, almost imperceptible erosion, so there is the need for a RE-COMMITMENT to each other. This means a renewal of trust in each other. It may not be easy, because of the past abuses of trust, but this is where one must first trust the Lord, then their mate. It is also necessary for each to trust the Lord to help them be trustworthy, since each has squandered the original trust that was given to them.

What am I most thankful for?

I am very thankful for the sacrament of marriage and the gift of life. Through marriage, people, specifically my parents were able to procreate with Him. They are bonded with love and I am very happy and thankful for my parents.